beautifulscreaminglady:

audliminal:

Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?

Genie: um

Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you’re willing, it’d be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that’s not cool, I’m perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.

Genie, now staring at me like I’m insane: ……okaaayyy?….

Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they’d really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.

Genie, just staring at me

Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.

people like op are the ones that get memorialized in folk tales for outwitting the devil

maakaniart-deactivated20221025:

I just wish I could learn every language and all the histories and about everyone’s food and folklore and… 😔 but i only have one brain and it is small and malfunctioning

heavenblazzer:

Zemo might not be the good guy, but at least he doesn’t call Bucky “Bucky” where it is clearly nickname that his friends can use, AND I’M GONNA RESPECT HIM FOR THAT

anneemay:

anneemay:

Okay so UK have started banning citizens of Global South countries from entering their countries because lol no covid-19 vaccines

davidsfincher:

You’re going back to prison!

cumbler-tumbler:

dariasroom:

micdotcom:

Kamilah Brock spent 8 days in a NY mental health facility because she owned a BMW 

Kamilah Brock, a former New York banker, has filled a suit against the city after she was detained for eight days in a mental health facility against her will. Brock says she was committed after trying to pick up her BMW, which skeptical police did not believe she owned. To add insult to injury, Brock was then charged a hefty sum by the hospital.

WHAT THE FUCK

WTF!!!!!!

viswanda:

I just wanna make sure we consider all our options. Because people who shoot at you usually wind up shooting at me too.

viswanda:

MCU + CHAOTIC ENERGY

sersi:

say 🗣 it 🗣

dwgif:

Let’s go and meet the neighbours.